I am very happy

My life has been wearing on me recently. I have been happy for the most part, but honestly at the first of this week I did not think that I would make it through my job to Friday. I have to admit at one point I felt like cussing out my boss, at another I felt myself sinking into the chair listening to Catholic Radio station for the first half and Rush for the second. Not really listening, but it kind of drowns out everyone else in the office where I can listen to the phone.

Does anyone else get annoyed when people talk to much it distracts you? I have a sells job and there are people around just talking politics and about the latest thing on entertainment tonight, or whatever it is they watch. Me, I just want to sell. Is that so crazey? So I roll my eyes when I hear what people talk about and hope that I can get by okay. Once I hear my name I just give short answers or put up my finger to show I am on the phone. Maybe it is not the best way to build relations in the office, but honestly by the end I didn't seem to care. The words that kept going through my head is, "this is temporary, this is temporary." But that can only get through the day, and getting up in the morning is that much harder, especially when it is at the first of the week.

Today I just found myself to be the most senior person in my office, under my boss, who didn't come down physically to my office till after I started. There was just one other person over me and they left today. That person didn't like me, talked bad about me behind my back and was nice to my face. I didn't even notice they left, and they weren't very secretive about it. I guess some things bother me, but for the most part I was extremely happy that they were gone. Everything just seemed much brighter at the end of the day, and it wasn't for once just because of the weekend. I honestly am happy for Monday even.

This is a major change. I was starting to think that there was something else completely wrong with my life. I felt like I was in this holding pattern in my life that kept me anxious about everything. Do I change? What do I change? I am happy with most and I see a positive light at the end of the tunnel, but right now how can things get better? Maybe I was just being impatient. I felt in a constant uncomfortable holding pattern. This morning it was more important for me to get a coffee from Starbucks than to make it to the office on time for a conference call from one of the main guys in the company. Adam was telling me that he would be fired if he was that late. The only thing that made me care was that I would be leaving because they would be kicking me out rather than me leaving on my own terms.

But I hope that I will continue to be happy for now. I do have stress of wanting a baby too, but as long as I can stand my job then I can make it through life day by day. Job is not your life, but it sure takes up a good chunk of it. The holding pattern will be less painful in waiting to be a mother.